


Falling in love with a stranger because he did not send you a dickpic is setting the bar quite low to be honest.

by IMAGI_nation



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Flirting, Grindr, It's 2021 ofcourse they do, It's all France's fault, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Dating, The nations use dating apps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29635275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMAGI_nation/pseuds/IMAGI_nation
Summary: Arthur and Ludwig match on Grindr. They think they're strangers. It's all Francis' fault. Do I need to add more?
Relationships: England/Germany (Hetalia)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Falling in love with a stranger because he did not send you a dickpic is setting the bar quite low to be honest.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I had this idea for a while. The idea of grindr is one I got from a Narumitsu fic, but that should be the only similarity.  
> Normally I'm more of a FRUK and GerFra fan but this idea just worked better with GerUk. It has just that little bit of extra awkwardness the other two pairings don't have.

Arthur had installed Grindr after a drunken discussion with France about how he should really get laid more often.

They had just arrived in Berlin with nothing else to pass the time. The meeting they were supposed to attend was only in two days and thus the two had decided to go out for a drink. What started as one drink soon became two and three and then at some point they lost count. Nothing out of the ordinary.

What was however unusual was the Frenchman's insistance on him needing to install this new app to hook up with people called "Grindr."

The name alone put Arthur on his guard. He could admit that it had indeed been a while since he graced the bed of some young maiden or even the occasional nice fellow. However, he really did not think he needed any help in the matter, thank you very much!

Francis had just laughed and told him that Germany was the best place to use it!

The disbelief must have shown on his face as Francis started a whole monologue about how all his partners here have left him so 'incredibly satified' before sighing deeply as if the fact he wasn't currently with any of these German men broke his heart. 

"More like _deeply_ satisfied" Arthur had laughed.

Francis agreed and waggled his eyebrows and you know what? Tired, drunk and now a little bit horny, the Brit agreed to join that dumb app. The Frenchman, overjoyed, had gleefully helped him make a profile and given him advice on how it worked.

His profile was made so that he would not really be recognisable but that his most handsome features, such as his eyes, would still attract enough attention to get easy matches. His username: KingOfBritain, had made the Frenchman roll his eyes and instead propose "MaggieThotcher".

Upon which the Brit had hit him on the head.

This of course resulted in one of their usual fights.

After they had fallen on the ground pulling at each others' hair they had ended up being kicked out by the angry German barman who shouted something which Francis and Arthur made no effort to understand but sounded suspiciously like "stupid foreigners". 

Laughing, the two stumbled home back to their hotel.

Once arrived Francis had briefly tried to get into the Englishman's bed before deciding that the ass-beating in the morning wouldn't be worth it. 

\--- 

That was a brief summary of the evening. Despite being kicked out of the bar, Arthur could admit he enjoyed himself with the frog.

He grinned to himself and set about preparing for bed. As he took off his shoes, his phone made a weird noise which his brain registered to be from the new app.

He opened it and blushed as he was greeted with quite a number of bare chests and even some male genitalia.

" _Oh so it's that kind of app"_ he thought to himself briefly surprised followed by a quick "fuck this." Arthur grumbled annoyed at the though of him having to waste time figuring out how to delete his profile of it.

Just then the app made another noise. Mentally preparing himself for another dickpic Arthur was pleasantly surprised when it was in fact not an image of another penis. 

He read the name of the profile that just sent him a message. It was a man named "BusyBureaucrat" with the most lickable set of abs Arthur had seen in decades. 

> **BusyBureaucrat: "Du hast die faszinierendsten Augen"**

He knew "Fascinating" and "Du hast" meaning "you have" from that one German band that Alfred seemed to enjoy _._ So the text meant something along the lines of: " _You have fascinating...somethign something."_ Arthur's brain drunkenly supplied. He smiled not needing to know a lot of German to know that the message was quite sweet even though a part of him considered it could be talking about his eyebrows. Arthur went and laid himself down on the bed as he went over other messages he had already received. He was slightly disappointed to find that all of them were dickpics or incredibly crude pick-up lines. Francis had said they were good in bed but their manners were quite lacking. The message from TheBusyBureaucrat was truly the only message that was a genuine compliment.

The gentleman in him was at least going to do the effort of replying to the one nice message he received tonight. He returned to the message sent by BusyBureaucrat and wrote: 

> **KingOfBritain: "I am sad that between all the dickpics the one sweet message I receive is one I can not fully appreciate as I do not speak the language."**

He thought to himself about writing a compliment back when he saw the pop up indicating the other person was writing. He grinned to himself all giddy.

> **BusyBureaucrat: "Hello. I have also noticed that having an actual conversation on this app is pretty rare. Do not worry I wrote nothing crude. I merely wished to compliment your fascinating eyes"**

At that Arthur was possitively charmed like a teenage girl with a crush. Likely a side effect of the alcohol but man... this German prince could ask his hand in marriage and he would likely accept. 

> **KingOfBritain: "I wish I could say the same for you but alas the only thing I can compliment is your frankly impressive abs"**

Arthur smirked as he wrote that. Hey, it was true. There wasn't anything by which he could recognise the man. For all he knew he could be getting catfished. 

> **BusyBureaucrat: "Thank you"**

The German was quite short with his answers. Arthur snorted as he found this to match his Ideas and stereotypes about Germans.

He was about to write his "penpall" goodnight when there was an image pop up from the other with another message.

> **BusyBureaucrat: "I keep my profile on the down-low as I work a certain career where it would not really be acceptable for me to be on such sites. I however realised that for all you know I might be a fake profile and thus here is a picture of my eyes in return. I am sure there are other features of mine you could appreciate besides these."**

The eyes were blue and looked kind of cold at first glance but Arthur had a feeling they could be filled with a lot of joy and passion if given the chance. Somehow he had a feeling he had seen those eyes before, he just did not remember where. He didn't quite understand the last part of the message but he just assumed it was because the other person did not speak English well as ofcourse he appreciated the picture of his abs. 

> **KingOfBritain: "You compliment my eyes when yours are like blue diamonds, my dear"**

A reply came quite quickly:

> **BusyBureaucrat: "thank you, I'm flattered"**

Arthur hesitated before sending another message.

> **KingOfBritain: "I understand being on the down-low I too am not really the kind to be on here and if they found out at work I'd likely get an earful"**

He smiled as he read the German's next reply.

> **BusyBureaucrat: "it is interesting meeting someone in the same situation as myself."**

He realised he truly needed to go to bed as he might ruin this conversation with some drunken mistake such as for example mentioning just how much he would love to lick his abs or other lecherous behaviour unbecoming of an English gentleman like himself. 

> **KingOfBritain: "I am a bit drunk so I will bid you goodnight before I start telling you about how much I would love to look into your eyes as I go down on you or something"**

Having sent that Arthur took off his dirty suit that reeked of alcohol and went to bed with thoughts of German muscles and piercing blue eyes. Silently thanking the Frenchman for his enabling behaviour.

\---

A few streets away in the same city, Ludwig was blushing at KingOfBritain's last message not quite sure how to respond.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I haven't finished this story yet and have a vague idea of where i'm going. 
> 
> If you want to discuss it more you can find me on tumbler: https://iship2muchshit.tumblr.com/
> 
> Let me know in the comments what you think!


End file.
